Why it hurts

My son used to cry during evenings. I asked him, “why do you cry?”. He said because he doesn’t want the day to finish.

When I take photo I feel like that. I don’t want the moment to finish.

I guess I can speak keigo, honorific Japanese. It’s not that difficult and after 13 years I should be able to add -masu and -desu to the words. Should be not rocket science.

Guys at the office complained that I speak too good Japanese, but that my Japanese is way too casual for work setting.

Somehow it just never sounds natural from my mouth. I can’t be myself in that way, I can’t relax and words don’t come from my mouth. I understand I am being rude speaking such casual way with strangers. But it’s not my intention to be rude or impolite. And actually using honorific words in wrong situation can also be rude, even more so I think.

There is no question how failed and imperfect person I am. But I think words should be spoken spontaneously and with good intention.

Actually what is music? If we define it as something like “human made acoustic harmonic” I feel it is too limited. Birds and whales are singing, right? And is harmony required for music?

I would like to think that anything can be music.

Even after so many years living in Japan, I still feel really interested in the subtle culture differences of our countries. These innocent differences and sometimes funny ways to come across them really fascinates me.

Especially the differences in the thinking between men and women of Japan and abroad is something romantic and kind of arousing.

Humans should kind of collide to each other innocently with full of curiosity. (perhaps let’s do that safely only after the present crises.)

Recently I think of the meaning of life and death. My partner has a chronic illness and she is vulnerable to the virus.

What does it really mean to be alive? I try to smile despite the fear.

I thought to write my blog everyday from now as long as I can. So this is kind of self discipline test to attempt this public journal.

The condition in Europe is severe. Then this global emergency could be compared to that of a war.

Here in Japan however, the government is lax and merely suggested people of going out. In grocery shop cashier line, people queue just as before without a safe distance. People hang out just the same since restaurants are open, and people commute to office. Business as usual, despite the global pandemic.

I fear the consequences of these inadequate precautions.

Yesterday I took photo in a nearby park despite the corona virus. The model came all the way from Tokyo just for me.

It was such a beautiful day, and we had obento lunch box in the park and played Minecraft and took photos.

It has been a while since I have touched my camera. Many things have happened in my life and I just have not had the chance or mood for photo. I have not wanted to take photo actually. I felt like my pictures have turned their back on me.

But yesterday I felt the natural continuation of my journey as a photographer. Fundamentally for me to take a photo is natural action, regardless of others opinion.

I wish to continue this journey as stubbornly and innocently as I can.

Cost of life

What is the cost of the reckless race of economy for those vulnerable in the society?

Government in Japan hands out two masks per household and instructions how to wash them, while Adagio for Strings was played in the streets of Spain. They didn’t even get to keep funerals.

Japan should play Adagio for Strings too.

This is a sorrow country.

Peach Goddess

I visited Fukushima yesterday and saw Miwa Yanagi’s exhibition Myth Machines.

I was very moved about the reference to the Japanese mythology of peach and goddess.

I didn’t know about the artist Yanagi before, but I got the sense that she has just the kind of passion that moves my heartstrings.

I liked her color photos but her black and white photos as well; a bit similar to works of Eikoh Hosoe.

Also the photos that used CG elements were surprisingly natural and realistic. Well, without photos being good it wouldn’t work.

I really liked this.

Then, yesterday I talked about cancer with my friend.

This life is so fragile. We must not forget it.

Waiting for Rain

I have been busy living my life as a 3D designer in Tokyo company. I have had many difficulties in trying to adapt into the new lifestyle of working in a Japanese company. But I like meeting new people; humans fascinate me. I wish this lifestyle as a company designer would also invigorate me as a photographer.

I feel so many months have passed since I started commuting to Tokyo, and rainy season is here soon. I look forward see the hydrangea in full bloom.

Playing outside with my son and his friends has been a great joy for me. In my darkest hours of tears and self-doubt, my son was next to me. I am very grateful for him.

Photography is the way to watch the world. It reminds me not to waste a moment. As Susan Sontag said, photographs are a kind of melancholy objects. When moment is captured it is already gone and untouchable.

We humans are weak and sensitive to light and we perish too. So life itself has a sense of melancholy in it.

I wish to celebrate this melancholy with my photographs.