To be a child again

My mother used to say “to marry someone means you look towards the future together”. She said one should look forwards, not concentrate on staring each other.

I often remember my childhood days by the lake, in that beautiful secret corner of Finland. It was the happiest time of my life; the unadulterated blue sky was watching over me and the grass smelled like gods had just created it. The horizon seemed so far away and it promised everything. In my mind everything was possible.

I think we marry so that we could be like a child again. With our marriage partner we want leave the toilet door open. With our marriage partner we want to be vulnerable, imperfect and virgin; show the face we can not show to anyone else. We want unconditional love; agreement with no terms.

How nice it would be to be able to rest again in safety of other person.

I think in this current world situation, with economy driven life in the city with no support from town folks, marriage cannot be happy. Our grandparents are left back home, often far away, and life is quickly departing from them while we are doing our humdrum everyday life just trying to get by somehow. Happy marriage seems like something only rich people could have.

It’s like your heart is breaking again, like it did when you went into adolescence, when you knew why adult people cuddle each other in the dark night. We long for our virgin days and that those fresh colors will never be the same.

If we really love someone we can’t invade their privacy. We are who we are and they are who they are. I don’t think love can exist without the words “free” or “voluntary”. Like a spark in the dark that comes from nothing into existence. I would like to love that way.