Tag: philosophy

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Thoughts on home country

Living 19 years in Japan, how often I have been asked “Don’t you miss back home?”. It is one of the standard questions foreigners in Japan get asked, along with “do you like natto?”.

I haven’t been able to answer that question really honestly or deeply. “Sure of course”, has been one of the versions I have offered as an easy answer. It is true, but there is more to it than that.

It takes some time and distance, to truly understand the meaning of a home country. In fact I have lived more longer in a foreign country than in my own home town. It is only now that I understand what I truly felt about living in Finland.

To return back, feeling the atmosphere, smells and climate, it’s such a feeling that only those living permanently abroad can understand.

The smell of the wooden floor of Helsinki airport is what hits home first. That special sweet kind of smell, I am not quite sure what that is. The air even feels different here.

When I lived in Espoo, I used to spend a lot of time alone, just by myself. And I used to hang out in Helsinki Airport a lot. I listened Brian Eno in my iPod and looked at departing planes. And I was reading Banana Yoshimoto or edgy novels of Kenzaburo Oe. And I always dreamed of flying to Japan.

Dreams tend to come true. So not before long I found myself living in Japan permanently.

To me as of now, Finland to me feels as innocent as my dream was about living in Japan.

There was a time that I just felt I had to get away. I hurt my back in the compulsory Finnish Defense Forces training, and was released from service under special circumstances. My father did not take it well, seeing me as a somewhat challenged child.

I just had to go, no question about it. And now it feels like years have stretched longer than I thought.

Loving something or someone, that always is a very private feeling. When there is real love, there can never be one reason to it. We just either love or we don’t. Not being able to explain it is usually sign that the love is real.

Questioning one’s own identity, looking at places I have lived long time ago, is a powerful, purifying thing. It enables us to know ourselves more. I am still on that journey, maybe perhaps now more than ever.

Now at age of 46 I recognize how lucky I am to know these two worlds.
I feel like I have had chance to live two lifetimes.

We humans are not smart enough to understand time. And nostalgy is a mirror into ourselves.

I really recommend to experience living abroad. It is worth it, even if you decide to return.

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Film and Digital

I use film for my personal photos, and digital for work. Photos need emotion and somehow one of the ingredient seems to be real film emulsion. I shoot mostly women, and with women I need chemistry..

Film feels imperfect and analog. Because the medium is imperfect, I have better chance to success.. within the limits I can be limitless (as otherwise I am imperfect human and photographer). Film is organic and vulnerable to exposure. Film needs patience, and what I try to do with my images, definitely needs some too.

Since I like those things, I prefer to use film like Fomapan which is honest, grainy and further away from pixel world.

For my job however, I prefer to shoot digital. My clients often want to get the photos soon, and they seem not to mind, and often even prefer the digital look.  It’s cost effective and fast. I don’t mean to say that I would never shoot film for “job”. In fact I would love to.

But I like the separation actually, because I want my art to be personal work. When I have my film camera with me I know I am not shooting for others. And even if the people around me want to see the photos immediately, well, they can’t. A young woman I shot recently said she feels more comfortable in front of a film camera, because we can’t see the photos soon.

So finally, I shoot my personal work with the same camera I shoot my child and family with, a film camera.

Photography is thing of love for me.

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モニタリング

昨日テレビでモニタリング番組あった。テーマはサラリーマンしごとやめる話奥さんにして。笑いたかったけど、笑えなかった。涙でた。自分のdreamわすれて、じぶんの心殺す。けどふつうに。。がんばる。
逆に奥さんのきもちもすっごくわかる。ローンとかあるとそれはらうのはたいへん。家のことまいにちするのはそれもたいへんなお仕事。旦那さんもそんなに会えないし、一人ばかり。すっごくストレスたまる。
なんまもっといい方法きっとある。ぜったいある。
自分でしごとつくろう。みんなしあわせになろう。もうあたらしい時代だからがんばろうよ。

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Pray

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Food is not enough to live. It may be enough for surviving, but surviving cannot substitute living. We need spiritual nourishment to feel alive. We need a way to grow.

If this is a journey, then photography is a means of transportation for me. It is my way for getting to the other side.

I do not particularly like comfort. It’s not that I want to be uncomfortable, and we all need a sense of security too. But I do not take photos because it’s fun.

Sure, you could say it’s kind of fun. It is definitely not boring, and it’s such a great excuse to meet other people. And I like to discuss about photography with strangers. But it’s is sometimes like getting naked in front of others. They can see you, but you can’t see them; you are exposed while they are under protective covers. Especially when you exhibit your work.

How many times I have said that I will quit? Well, too many times. I should stop doing that. But somehow, I always end up returning, just like this.

Then, photography is a way for me to feel free and connected.

I wish we humans would have more opportunities to enhance ourselves spiritually in our daily lives.
This wish is my prayer. I pray for the spontaneous conversation to happen.

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About my photography

I wrote in my old blog about my photography;

I used to hang out in bars and one of the most common question I was asked regarding my photos was “did you get a hard on?”. I try not to mind, and I sometimes just laughed and said “Of course!”. But in my heart I guess those comments always hurted me. These people have no idea.

and,

I was born naked to this world and my mother held me against her breasts. So I became alive. I became Jaakko. Without my mother’s love, I would not exist. There would be no world of Jaakko.

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The box in my hands

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This year I made a special new year’s resolution. I made a promise not to buy a single camera this year. This promise has been a best promise I have ever made. (And I have been able to keep it so far)

I get the sense that photographer is now more than ever, slave of a camera. World is flooded with the digital apparatus that are designed to create desire and make picture taking as simple and easy as possible. There are tons of new advanced features that make getting a technically pristine picture easier.

I remember the original Olympus Pen (film camera) advertisement, “Taking great photographs has never been this easy!”. Now in the era of smartphones the advertisement seems almost silly or ironic.

It is almost as if camera has became a fashion accessory for photographers. Then, I can’t help but feel sad about this situation. Because much potential for interesting conversation (and photo taking!) is being lost.

There is great saying, “Big minds talk ideas, small minds talk people”.
I say; big photographers talk photos, small photographers talk cameras.

Now as I have focused less and less in the photocopying apparatus and more in the photos, I notice my mind is lighter; I just use what I have. And I have more time to think about the mood of the photo, and setting.

In Finnish language, tool is referred as to having “jotain kättä pidempää” (something longer than your hand). This refers to having extended leverage at your disposal. Yes. I have a lever or button in my hands, sort of. And I’m there, you know, with you.

Of course some kind of camera is necessary to take a photo. However, as Araki said, if you have burning desire to write a love letter, it doesn’t matter if it’s pencil or ball point pen.

I don’t have Leica or anything really expensive or special. Just couple of normal cameras. I never keep any cameras what I don’t actively use. I have given some cameras to my friends before.

Then, honestly, these days I don’t particularly enjoy watching cameras or talk about them. No matter how great camera I would get, I wouldn’t be able to take it with me after I die. And we will all die, you know. But the feeling of being in some place and meeting some beautiful people, with my heart beating a little fast.. now that might be forever.

There is excellent article about GAS (Gear Acquisition Syndrome) by Eric Kim. I recommend to read it.

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Hospital

Hospital

I think we should visit a hospital at least once per year. Even for no reason. Just stay there a while and watch people in the canteen. Close your eyes  breathe in that air between sterilized walls and imagine.

When we are in possession of extremely valuable thing we don’t realise it until we lose it. Health might be one of those things.

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Meeting Araki

Araki Nobuyoshi and Jaakko Saari

I met Araki Nobuyoshi the other day. I told him about seeing his photos first time in Helsinki in his Kiasma exhibition. I had depression that time. He interrupted me, saying with excitement, “but your depression got cured (by my photo), didn’t it?” and bursted laughing. We all laughed. Because that was exactly what I was going to say.

His photos were huge shock for my virgin heart in early 2000’s. You know, especially Sentimental Journey. I just couldn’t stop crying after I first saw those. It was like life I somehow knew, it just happened to take place in Japan. Then, eventually,  after a decade I started taking photos too. This sounds so trite, I know, but Araki’s photos kind of opened door to my future and gave me the courage.

We talked about Bjork too, and he wondered if Bjork is famous in Finland. I happen to love her, and her Big Time Sensuality!!

Araki is like a huge ball of energy. God of photography. From my heart, I wish the grass is green under his feet and that his days are filled with joy.

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Why Photo

There is an article over in my Things blog about the reasons why I shoot.

“It’s like digging up these huge stones from the soil. You know, my father is a farmer, and he taught me how to clean up entire field from stones. Much like him, I am preparing my grave. He brought a shovel. I brought a camera.”
http://things.hiyayaakko.com/why-photo/