Uncertain

Recently they paint my apartment exterior. My home is wrapped in gray cloud. I hear voices I don’t recognize during daytime, and dark shapes move outside my window. It was just like yesterday when everything was normal.

Message to the sun; sky is required.

Late October

One year ago I was hospitalized due to a broken vertebra. A friend visited me and presented me a disposable camera. I took pictures with it.

Prints

I have been going to dark room a lot lately to make prints for my exhibition. It is so hard work to make silver- gelatin prints in traditional way. But I am quite happy with the result I get with help of great masters in DR.

I like contrast and darkness in photo.

Then, I am also happy that these photos are basically never filtered through digital medium, these are completely just chemical reaction on paper.

Seeing these images in computer screen don’t quite do them justice. Please come and see them in person next month.

金木犀

I will hold a photo exhibition in a small cafe in Hakuraku, Yokohama in November. Please come and see my photos.

Be present

I work as 3D modeler for my job. I enjoy it, but it is a work done in computer, in a 2D plane of a screen that I stare. I notice how much my heart is craving for a human contact, and a situation where I can really be myself. Sometimes I feel like I am drifting a away during those prolonged hours of making computer game models.

I was reminded today how important it is to really be present in the moment without a distraction. Photography for me is a kind of relief and therapy in that way, it puts me into the present moment. Be present in a present moment so you can be the present for the world, as I was once told.

World wants you to have your eyes open and be there.

Even though I do enjoy the solitude and doing technical 3D modeling, deep in my heart I am person who enjoys company of people. I am fascinated by people and watching them, and then if there is one source of inspiration for my music and photographs, it must be meeting people.

Somehow, it is so very natural for me to take a photo of a person.

Fragrant tree – my 7th exhibition

I am planning to hold a small photo exhibition in a cafe in Yokohama in November. It has been so long time since I hold one. And then I got a treasure chest full of images. This is my 7th private exhibition in Japan. Then, the images I will display will be all new.

The title of my exhibition is “金木犀” , a fragrant osmanthus in Japan. I love that scent, which is like woman’s shampoo. Then, photos in my exhibition are women. Women who feel the changing season. That faint and quickly disappearing scent of a familiar tree. I think that’s what photo means to me. We only have now.

I like the fact that the cafe is small and kind of hidden. I lack the energy and passion to hold exhibition that would be a big thing with a party and such involved. I don’t want any attention. All I want for now is to put my images up for some strangers to see.

To be a child again

My mother used to say “to marry someone means you look towards the future together”. She said one should look forwards, not concentrate on staring each other.

I often remember my childhood days by the lake, in that beautiful secret corner of Finland. It was the happiest time of my life; the unadulterated blue sky was watching over me and the grass smelled like gods had just created it. The horizon seemed so far away and it promised everything. In my mind everything was possible.

I think we marry so that we could be like a child again. With our marriage partner we want leave the toilet door open. With our marriage partner we want to be vulnerable, imperfect and virgin; show the face we can not show to anyone else. We want unconditional love; agreement with no terms.

How nice it would be to be able to rest again in safety of other person.

I think in this current world situation, with economy driven life in the city with no support from town folks, marriage cannot be happy. Our grandparents are left back home, often far away, and life is quickly departing from them while we are doing our humdrum everyday life just trying to get by somehow. Happy marriage seems like something only rich people could have.

It’s like your heart is breaking again, like it did when you went into adolescence, when you knew why adult people cuddle each other in the dark night. We long for our virgin days and that those fresh colors will never be the same.

If we really love someone we can’t invade their privacy. We are who we are and they are who they are. I don’t think love can exist without the words “free” or “voluntary”. Like a spark in the dark that comes from nothing into existence. I would like to love that way.