Because all what we have is now
Artist is always alone, like submarine in deep sea. But sometimes we can make radio communications to others, and we get response, even though it may be garbled, messed up information.
But for a brief moment, we can make out the signal, separate it from the noise, hear the code that makes some sense.
To be not alone, it’s crazy dream. But isn’t it the only reason there is hope.. to get a ping back, echo from the deep
I will join Tokyo Art Shelter event next week (March 23) with my photos.
https://www.facebook.com/Tokyo-Art-Shelter-332773880217813/
If you are in the area, welcome and join us!
There was an article written by a Japanese woman writer. I can’t remember where I saw it. But it stated, “I believe Japanese women are most comfortable when they are alone in their apartment, wearing nothing but their underwear”.
I must be by all means, a Japanese woman.
I stand in front of my mirror, naked. I’m 36. I’m adult now. My body could use a workout. I’m sad a little to see my huge belly. But I dismiss the criticism in my mind; this is me. I must be thankful for my strong and healthy body.
I take a closer look and see the scars on top of my right eyebrow. They are almost invisible. Only if you take a closer look you can make out two small cuts. These are my secret scars. If someone can make them out, maybe he or she wonder if I was in a fight. Or did I fall? The wounds took incredibly long time to heal. Almost a year. Even now sometimes they sting. Maybe they are near a nerve or something.
It’s almost rainy season here in Japan. The blue, humid, season of erotic promise of summer. During daytime, I stay in my house alone, wrapping my naked body in a towelket (towel + blanket, get it?). Although I miss my friends I’d rather stay in. I let my mind wander free.
I can’t tell a lie. I’m that kind of person. Fundamentally I believe I should live like this, with brutal honesty.
Japan can be quite a difficult place to live for a person like me. Like alcohol, for example. Going to my favorite bar, people ask me “don’t you drink?”. If I say “I stopped drinking”, or “I don’t drink” people are going to ask me why. And then eventually they drill me to get real answer. So I realized it’s easier to lie, “Today I’m taking a break”, or “I’m having a hangover” and so on. It’s good to be practical.
Layer of clothing might be necessary in order to deal with outside world comfortably. However, artist is always standing naked in front of the world. The exposure always hurts. I have not found easy solution to this.
But I love the feeling after my exhibition when I know it’s over and done, and the pictures are finally out from my heart. It makes me feel empty and fresh, like something passed through me, and my hands are empty.
I want to approach the opportunity of tomorrow today with this feeling.
Yesterday there was rather big quake. The iPhone Quake Alarm went off. Sharp woman’s voice stated 地震です！地震です！ “It’s quake! It’s Quake!!!” with this piercing sound effect which sounded like a frog having really bad cold. My room was shaking and a couple of books fell off from my shelf. This was one of the bigger ones.
It’s first time I ever heard this particular quake alarm from my phone. Previously I used app called Yurekuru, and occasionally the native iPhone emergency alarms went off without a reason, but never actually during real earthquake. Because of the alarm I actually took shelter under my desk. I normally don’t.
Some people in internet complained that they were more scared about the alarm than the actual quake. Then, the alarm went off only after the initial shakes, so I’m not exactly sure how useful this is. However, the main jolts came after the alarm. It really inspired me to move my body and find a possible safe place. I definably think that this alarm is most effective, and definite improvement over the old ones. It might be the woman’s voice.
I’m not sure if this is true, but some people say that lying flat on sofa is a safe place, since the structure of the sofa forms a kind of triangle. Even if a wall would fall on it, the sofa might protect you; you might be OK in the centre of the triangle. I’m not sure if it’s good to be under my Ikea desk which is supporting 20 kilo monitor and pair of 15 kilo speakers. Rush of adrenaline makes the heart beat fast.
The quake was felt shindo 4 here in Yokohama (Japanese scale).
Unconditional love.
Love of a grandma.
It may be the highest level of existence.
-Jaakko