Category: Photography

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Two steps for happiness

I believe there are two steps for ultimate happiness and freedom.

  1. Break the fear of social ridicule
  2. Break the fear of death.

First one enables  us to express ourselves freely. When we no longer care what others think of us, our heart will start to sing and we can do everything with full love.

If we can do that everyday, and live our lives fully like that,  the fear of death will start to lose grip on us and we will be completely free. Then, we may accept death naturally.

It is never easy, I know. It’s hard as hell. And nobody deserves to be ridiculed, or live in shadow of fear. But if we can be stubborn and stand by our ideas strongly, I believe the fear will gradually disappear. I have just begun this journey.

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A way to relax

I remember a conversation with a friend some years ago. I was explaining my frustration with photography to her, and how I feel photography is actually kind of pointless.

She said to me something like this:

“Even if it’s just a hobby, I wish you keep taking photos.”

Forgetting all the serious stuff, artistic suffering, professional photography, the pain of having exhibitions and worrying if the photos become a cohesive series, could photography be simply just a way to relax, a catharsis?

I absolutely think so.

One of the reasons why I sold my X100 and switched to film camera is because I want my photography to be less digital thing; something I can do without touching a computer so that I can relax more.

Taking photos of people is a wonderful way for me to communicate with them, especially with people I don’t know that well. It’s a bit like journalist is sympathizing while making an interview, a kind of soul communication. In that space with a camera I can just be completely myself, it’s so liberating.

But shouldn’t photography have a goal and shouldn’t photographer try hard and have ambition to reach that goal? Maybe. But someone said, “pain is inevitable, suffering is optional”. Maybe we don’t need to suffer all the time even if we feel pain, frustration and loneliness at times.

The truth is that I am completely fine with the probable fact that I will never be famous or “successful photographer” whatever that means.  After I die my books and negatives and prints will wither away and will eventually disappear completely.

But I still want to photograph. If not for other reason, just as a way to relax and be completely me for a moment.

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Pictures; My Debt

I went to Yoyogi park today to take pictures of girls. The weather was rainy so the park was almost empty. As we crossed the park through forest, it felt like scene from X-Files.

The model and her friend were both so unique and attractive people, and both of them were no strangers to camera and being photographed. So I could be myself naturally and press the shutter. Despite the rain, it was very comfortable time.

Taking pictures like this, even if it’s just once a while, is like a lifeline to me. I feel re-connected to the world and I can feel like I’m myself again. Using too much computer and not going out with my camera is definitely bad for my health (and for my back which has been rather painful these days).

I am forever in debt to those whose photo I can take. The only way to pay back this debt is to make good use of the images and make sure they are seen by people.

Indeed, it is my wish to be able to hold photo exhibition again. I skipped last year entirely, so I hope I can make something happen before this one is finished.

Anyway, tonight I developed first roll of the 72 images I shot today, and I am really delighted to see the result of exposed Fomapan 400, a film stock which I received from my friend in Czech Republic (Thanks Yoshimi!)

To photograph, is to see with one’s heart.

(Photos courtesy of Ito-san, a talented hair-makeup artist and photographer)

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Film and Digital

I use film for my personal photos, and digital for work. Photos need emotion and somehow one of the ingredient seems to be real film emulsion. I shoot mostly women, and with women I need chemistry..

Film feels imperfect and analog. Because the medium is imperfect, I have better chance to success.. within the limits I can be limitless (as otherwise I am imperfect human and photographer). Film is organic and vulnerable to exposure. Film needs patience, and what I try to do with my images, definitely needs some too.

Since I like those things, I prefer to use film like Fomapan which is honest, grainy and further away from pixel world.

For my job however, I prefer to shoot digital. My clients often want to get the photos soon, and they seem not to mind, and often even prefer the digital look.  It’s cost effective and fast. I don’t mean to say that I would never shoot film for “job”. In fact I would love to.

But I like the separation actually, because I want my art to be personal work. When I have my film camera with me I know I am not shooting for others. And even if the people around me want to see the photos immediately, well, they can’t. A young woman I shot recently said she feels more comfortable in front of a film camera, because we can’t see the photos soon.

So finally, I shoot my personal work with the same camera I shoot my child and family with, a film camera.

Photography is thing of love for me.

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Pictures of my Son

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Love needs both invisible feeling and visible action.

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Ping

Artist is always alone, like submarine in deep sea. But sometimes we can make radio communications to others, and we get response, even though it may be garbled, messed up information.

But for a brief moment, we can make out the signal, separate it from the noise, hear the code that makes some sense.

To be not alone, it’s crazy dream. But isn’t it the only reason there is hope.. to get a ping back, echo from the deep

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モニタリング

昨日テレビでモニタリング番組あった。テーマはサラリーマンしごとやめる話奥さんにして。笑いたかったけど、笑えなかった。涙でた。自分のdreamわすれて、じぶんの心殺す。けどふつうに。。がんばる。
逆に奥さんのきもちもすっごくわかる。ローンとかあるとそれはらうのはたいへん。家のことまいにちするのはそれもたいへんなお仕事。旦那さんもそんなに会えないし、一人ばかり。すっごくストレスたまる。
なんまもっといい方法きっとある。ぜったいある。
自分でしごとつくろう。みんなしあわせになろう。もうあたらしい時代だからがんばろうよ。