I went to have my x-rays. It seems that the situation of my lower vertebrae has not changed, the disc seems somewhat crushed, which causes inflammation. The doctor said it’s not bad enough for an operation to be necessary, but I should definitely take a rest and maybe consider taking medicine.

I decided to bear the pain and not take a medicine. I want to know what my body is telling me.

Pain is just a signal, and obscuring it wouldn’t feel right. I know my body is not stupid; it knows what it’s doing. Also drugs for this sort of thing makes me super sleepy and unable to really function. And I have to take care of my son.

For some reason I have dreamed of horses recently. I feel sad because I know I may not be able to ever ride one. I tried it before but my back instantly got hurt, even when just mildly trotting. Somehow the sitting position in the saddle was just not good for me.

But a thought came to my mind this morning. Maybe a horse could understand how I feel.  They carry humans weight on their backs but are still elegant and free. Horse’s pride is not obnoxious, it’s natural and beautiful.

Yes.. maybe a horse could understand.